Motivated at 3:00 AM

Not exactly 3:00 AM, I mean it's 3:30 when I started typing this post by I feel a little motivated to type now. To be honest, school was exasperating and that's the least amount of compliment I can get out of myself after that one drastically whole year that by now I don't feel to move around and hang-out far away from the vicinity of my house. Which is why for this past week, I ditched all of my appointments simply because I'm tired of doing all of those things.

Putting it in thought, this was actually the first time I ever feel like I want to do household chores such as cooking, laundry, cleaning, folding clothes, and all sorts of stuff that housewives and mothers do. Something like a housekeeper of sort.

I don't know if I'm suffering some kind of depression that I'm stressing over being a clean and neat freak or if I really have an obsessive-compulsive disorder is beyond my thought. It's probably because I realized that I still have two months of free time and I started to realized that by then, I was practically bored all the time, yet I didn't have the heart to constantly do things that most people in the world have done.

It's not like I'm the best, I haven't even done my best yet, I haven't even explored my special and unique ability. To put it simply, I'm most likely an ordinary player, I haven't yet explored my talents in-depth nor have I tried to hone them over the past times.

I have a lot of time to practice and yet my body is satisfied of doing the normal things that normal people can do, I don't use the time to practice and exercise my skills for better use in the future or is it the possibility that I lost the interest of meaning in living?

Literally, I'm living. Figuratively, I don't think so. I'm not enjoying what's supposed to be life to be as of the present nor I'm hating it. My terms in life are so-so that I'm not someone to be dealt with or worry about.

I haven't found 'that' interesting part of my life because honestly, I'm getting tired with my daily life. I haven't even gone through to work my way above and yet I'm complaining. Maybe, I should look more for it or most likely, I would be happier if it just hits me in the head because I'm simply to blind to see it.

So, I took a quiz if about my emotions and according to my results I'm 32% ... emotionally stable. I can't distinguish a person's emotion and talk to them yet I question my emotions. I know what I'm feeling yet I can't understand it. And especially when I have a lot in my mind, I tend to switch my emotion quickly.

I won't be lying if I'm something like that. I have my rapid mood swings and display of unnecessary behavior just because I'm the way I am. For now, I have learned to hold back myself, something that I don't enjoy because I have to restrain from punching an annoying guy but it's funny when you see them confused like lost puppies.

I pity this post, for having all of my depressing thoughts clouding.

_Kujike_