For some reason, I don't feel like posting or writing anything. My emotions are distorted right now. I'm in a very messed up state and I guess it will be in a matter of months or maybe years? I don't know. To recover from all the sadness, loneliness, and emptiness, I'm feeling. I don't really know what I should feel.

There are times that I feel like a moving puppet being moved by invisible strings kinda like a marionette.

Sometimes, I feel having murderous intent because I admit I'm quite protective especially someone or something that I cannot reach.

Then, I'd feel too much sadness that I will cry my eyes out to the point I want to take my eyeballs and wash them because they painfully irritate me. Mostly everyday, my eyes will be sore and reddish all around.

Or maybe, I'd want to escape from the place we call 'classroom' because my classmates are too much noisy for my taste that all I can do is sit there silently.

Times like today, I can no longer shed tears... And then, I'd laugh like a mad man. Not minding the people around me.


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But then, all these emotions are hidden to the eyes of the ignorant. I'd always smile and laugh like nothing happened. I'd say lame jokes or even participate like an honorary student. I'd do the things I never did. Like trying to do Math-related things. Actually, holding back myself from wanting to watch anime and read manga. I'm totally turning into another person. I've been doing things that I never thought I would do.

And the useless humans that I see around the school everyday would be fooled and deceived by me. They can never see pass through me... anyway. And I hate it.